The Song Remains The Same

In third grade I had the biggest crush on my classmate Kyle Sullivan.  Bright blue eyes, perfectly coiffed dark hair, and oh so cool.  His mom let him have not only the new MC Hammer cassette tape, but also Vanilla Ice.  I know.  Stud.

Somewhere in our ongoing flirtation amidst the tire swings and sharing Cool Ranch Doritos at lunch, Kyle passed me a note in class.  Oooh what would our teacher, Miss Maggie, have done if she caught him?  I've always liked 'em ballsy.  The note was the timeless classic:  Do you like me?  Check YES or NO (with corresponding boxes of course)

I wrote "maybe" and handed it back to him - then spent the next two decades playing with the boys.

Generally speaking, I feel like I've always gotten along with men better than women.  Speculation as to why exactly that is is a topic for another day, but suffice it to say that it's all been in good fun...until I met one that was more than that.  Don't get me wrong, I'd had sincere feelings for people in relationships before, but this one was different. 

Note the "was."

So here I am now on the other side.  Older? A little bit, but I still fit in the same jeans, so who cares? Wiser? Most definitely.  Ready to go out and play some more?  Ummm...

I never really cried much my entire life.  There were times when I would have to watch a sad movie just to induce a much needed catharsis.  (I have always cried watching movies, starting with "All Dogs Go To Heaven," a pernicious film about an orphan whose only friend is a dog.  Dog saves her life and dies. Cue waterworks.)  Ever since my grandpa passed away my freshman year of college, I have felt like a light switch was flipped inside of me and suddenly I can cry.  Still not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Well, ever since actually experiencing what it's like to really share your world with a partner in crime, good, bad, and ugly - suddenly play time just doesn't cut it.  Apparently there's more than one flipped light switch in there.

With that being said, I am certainly not on a man hunt.  I do not believe in looking for someone to simply be a warm body that fills space.  So I've gone on a few dates.  I feel like I should send some of these guys "Thank You" cards for the amount of absurdly hilarious material they've provided me.

And then you have tonight:  a date I'm actually excited about (in spite of serious efforts on my part not to be and to keep expectations to an absolute minimum.)  Not only am I excited because I find him really really really ridiculously good looking, he loves wine, enjoys traveling, and is one cocky SOB.  Did I mention pretty blue eyes and perfectly coiffed hair?  Some things never change.