Wildflowers

I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing right now.  I'm not speaking in hyperbole here.  For the first time in my life, in virtually every aspect, I am not sure what the next step is for me.  The good news is, after getting let go from my job two weeks ago, I have the opportunity and time to figure that out.  After feeling so trapped, paralyzed, and terrified of making the wrong decision, I finally feel liberated to get a little messy, make some mistakes, travel, try something new.  Seriously, as long as my mortgage is paid and Giorgio is ok, what's the worst that can really happen?

Unfortunately this does not bode well for my natural proclivity for over-analyzing.

So I jumped in my car, spent some time with God and my puppy, and visited family I hadn't seen since I took my piece of shit job (hereon out to be referred to as the POSJ.)  1,918 miles, 14 awesome relatives, 10 states, 7 days, 6 dogs (And 1 blue-eyed hottie who caught the garter at my cousin's wedding where I caught the bouquet.)

I set off on this trip anticipating that I would take some serious time to evaluate what it is that I'm really looking for in something that I'm spending 40-60-plus hours a week doing rather than being so focused on leaving my current job.  What I realized is that I'm probably no closer to that answer than I was when I set out on my trip, and now I have a whole new set of questions.

For starters, why exactly am I staying in this city?  Yes, it was a wonderful place to grow up and my family is here...but I don't feel like much else is, and I really think I'm just fine with a phone relationship with my parents.  I constantly feel like I'm searching for people who like to do the things that I do.  Or hell, just do anything outside of going to the same bars I went to in college, or get married and move to the suburbs.  It seems to be pick one of the two.  I want Option C.

I want to experience new places and activities.  I will see any live concert, go to any sporting event (ok, maybe not women's basketball,) attend any festival, trivia night, try any new restaurant or bar...but I had multiple people back out on me for Warrior Dash and can't seem to find people to go cabrewing/camping/board game night/paintballing/curling/putt-putting/play kickball.  How would I find these people, my brethren?  I'm beginning to think that being in a city with more like-minded people would help.  My first thought is someplace warmer with professional sports teams.  I could be wrong, but every brainstorm needs a start.

Although I have no problem doing this stuff by myself, all of these things would be fun to share with someone.  Would I perhaps be less frustrated in my love life if I could find more guys who like to experience life and try new things as opposed to just catching up on their DVR?  Dare I say that a year out from something uber-serious and a couple of duds and d-bags later, I'm open to the idea of something real again?  Open to, not looking for - two entirely different concepts. 

I do not want to aimlessly search for the next way to box myself in to something neat and tidy and corporate so that everyone can let out a sigh of relief.  "Oh thank God she's not unemployed!"  I feel the same way about a career/job right now as I do a relationship:  I'd rather be without one than in one where I'm not happy.  Right now, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but for someone who was "Most Likely to Succeed" in high school, and has always had a plan and high aspirations - embracing that is quite possibly the best I've felt in a long time.